Tough times don't
last, but tough people do.
And I've been through
some tough times,
and I know a lot of
people can recall tough times,
and maybe are going
through some tough times right now,
but they don't last.
Alonzo Mourning
March 8th 2017
Yesterday was our eldest son’s 49th birthday and
a couple of things happened during the day that transported me back through the
years.
Mentioning the second first because the other has a life
story with it which is why I decided to share it in a blog today.
Late yesterday a Facebook friend posted this and it hit home
with the mood I was in because I have been down that road a few times with a
son of grandchild.
And especially the topic being discussed earlier in the day on a TV program about a phone call that stuck in your mind. That too I have a few of but because to the day our
son’s 49th , the one that came
to mine instantly happened the day before his birthday 19 years ago.
This is what I wrote about it back in 1999
Come, Walk with Me... Part I
The Day that Changed Our Lives Forever
March 6th 1999
It is a year ago today that the phone call came and it will
be etched in my mind forever. The day had started off like most ordinary days.
The weather was a typical March day for this area of the country - snowy with
sunny breaks and cloudy periods. It was a Friday so my husband and our youngest
son were at work. I had been out doing errands and grocery shopping, the type
of thing that it takes, to keep a household running. Coming back home before
lunchtime and checking the answering machine, I discovered a strange message...
It was in one of the mailboxes what the person would have
had to know a special code to enter- no one knew what that code was. The person
had also started to leave the message before the beep, so there was very little
to go on. The message was, "... thank you. I'll call back later." The
young sounding male, voice was not recognizable, either. Who could it have
been? it puzzled me!
Could it possibly be, our eldest son? My mother instincts,
started to awaken, I didn't want to wait to be called back! If it had been our
son, it was out of character for him to call during a weekday. I decided to
call him at his home in Dartmouth Nova Scotia - our home is in Quebec, Canada.
The babysitter answered, "No, I don't know if he called
you. He has been gone since 7:00 A.M. and is either, at work or school. (he was
attending Dalhousie University, at the time). Can I take a message?" There
was no message to leave. How do you leave a mother's intuition, in a message?
In mid afternoon the phone rang. Going into the master
bedroom, I picked it up, walked over to the window, looking out on the cloudy
winter day. Little did I expect what was to come, "Hi, Mom." it was
our eldest, " Hi Dear. Was that you, that called and left a message this
morning?"
It was, and he went on to tell me why, " I called to
let you know that the doctor phoned this morning with the results of my
x-rays." I was at the alert, the outdoor scenery forgotten. Why is the
doctor calling him at work?, went through my mind, "The x-rays you had
done, about three weeks ago?" With a little bit of irritation in his
voice, " No, the ones that were done yesterday."
When I had been told that he was going to have the first set
of x-rays three weeks previously, I had been a little concerned. I can't
explain why, because I do know that if pneumonia is suspected, an x-ray quite
often will be done. However, I had never been given an update and assumed
everything was okay. Pneumonia had been the diagnosis, of those first tests and
an antibiotic was prescribed. Our son was telling me in this conversation, that
the coughing had not cleared up so his GP had sent him for another set of
x-rays.
He continued, "They found a mass in my chest! They're
not sure if it is an abscess or an infection. He,(the doctor), doesn't think
it's a tumor." His voice told me that he was starting to get edgy. And my
World was closing in around me, but I did my best to listen and not scream.
"The doctor called me at work! Why is he moving so quickly, if he doesn't
think it's a tumor? He's trying to get me booked for a CAT scan next
week!" His voice was becoming agitated.
I could hear the need of a child, the call for a parent's
comfort, but also realized that I had to be strong for his sake, "Well, I
guess, that they want to find out what it is. You realize that if it is a tumor,
Sweetie, the odds against it being cancerous, are very good. Somewhere around
95 percent of all tumors are benign." I was not doing a very good job of
giving comfort, he was upset, that was apparent in his tone and his words,
"Yes, Mom, I know that, but it's not very pleasant to know that they may
need to operate and take it out. I don't like needles and I don't want to be
cut open!"
He was right about that. As a child, just knowing he was
going for an annual checkup would send him into a tizzy. "Do you want me
to come down there to be with you?"
The child within left, for a few moments, "No, Dad
needs you there. I'll be okay." My husband had lost his father four months
prior to this phone call and of course, was still trying to deal with the
sorrow of his loss. They had become quite close the last few years as my
husband had been his Dad's prime care giver.
It sounded like our child needed me more than my hubby,
however I replied, "If you are sure. You know I'll come in a flash. If you
change your mind you let me know right away."
Not with very much enthusiasm, "No, Mom I'll be
okay.", It didn't really sound like it to his Mother, "I love you.
Our hearts and thoughts are with you. And again, if you want me there..."
I waited hoping that he would ask me to come, "I'll be okay Mom, as soon
as I know anything, I'll get back to you. I love you, too."
My last attempt at reassuring my injured adult, child,
"You keep your chin up. Please, try not to worry before you know what is
going on." Right! I was ready to jump through the phone, wrap my arms
around him and protect my child from the Big Bad World. And I was expecting him
not to be worried! "Okay Mom, I'm serious I'll be okay, Bye." With
more conviction than I was feeling, "Bye,love you."
Hanging up the phone, I walked into the kitchen to use the
phone with the programmed numbers, because I didn't think I'd be able to key-in
the often called number. " Hello." came the cheery reply from the
other end. Trying to hold back my concern, " Hi, I just heard from our
son. He called to tell me the results of the chest x-rays." I could feel
my throat tightening up, "They've found a mass in his chest. I..." I
couldn't finish what I had started to say. I was losing it, sensing this my
husband asked, "What do you want to do? Do you want to go down
there...?"
Oh, how I loved him for that! There was nothing I wanted
more, at that moment, but by then I was drowning in my fear, the tears that I
had been holding back during the conversation with our son, had found a release,
at last...
Here we go 19 years later and I still cry every time I read
this…
That was the first chapter of the year to follow. Eventually
will share the rest of what became a
small book, Come. Walk with Me… . my side of what happened over the next year.
Memory has always
fascinated me. Think of it. You can recall at will your
first day in high
school, your first date, your first love.
Eric Kandel
