Come, Walk with Me... Part 1

Tough times don't last, but tough people do.

And I've been through some tough times,

and I know a lot of people can recall tough times,

and maybe are going through some tough times right now,

but they don't last.

Alonzo Mourning

March 8^th 2017

Yesterday was our eldest son’s 49^th birthday and a couple of things happened during the day that transported me back through the years.

Mentioning the second first because the other has a life story with it which is why I decided to share it in a blog today.

Late yesterday a Facebook friend posted this and it hit home with the mood I was in because I have been down that road a few times with a son of grandchild.

And especially the topic being discussed earlier in the day on a TV program  about a phone call that  stuck in your mind. That too  I have a few of but because to the day our son’s 49^th , the one that came to mine instantly happened the day before his birthday 19 years ago. 

This is what I wrote about it back in 1999

Come, Walk with Me...  Part I   

The Day that Changed Our Lives Forever

March 6th 1999

It is a year ago today that the phone call came and it will be etched in my mind forever. The day had started off like most ordinary days. The weather was a typical March day for this area of the country - snowy with sunny breaks and cloudy periods. It was a Friday so my husband and our youngest son were at work. I had been out doing errands and grocery shopping, the type of thing that it takes, to keep a household running. Coming back home before lunchtime and checking the answering machine, I discovered a strange message...

It was in one of the mailboxes what the person would have had to know a special code to enter- no one knew what that code was. The person had also started to leave the message before the beep, so there was very little to go on. The message was, "... thank you. I'll call back later." The young sounding male, voice was not recognizable, either. Who could it have been? it puzzled me!

 Could it possibly be, our eldest son? My mother instincts, started to awaken, I didn't want to wait to be called back! If it had been our son, it was out of character for him to call during a weekday. I decided to call him at his home in Dartmouth Nova Scotia - our home is in Quebec, Canada.

The babysitter answered, "No, I don't know if he called you. He has been gone since 7:00 A.M. and is either, at work or school. (he was attending Dalhousie University, at the time). Can I take a message?" There was no message to leave. How do you leave a mother's intuition, in a message?

In mid afternoon the phone rang. Going into the master bedroom, I picked it up, walked over to the window, looking out on the cloudy winter day. Little did I expect what was to come, "Hi, Mom." it was our eldest, " Hi Dear. Was that you, that called and left a message this morning?"

It was, and he went on to tell me why, " I called to let you know that the doctor phoned this morning with the results of my x-rays." I was at the alert, the outdoor scenery forgotten. Why is the doctor calling him at work?, went through my mind, "The x-rays you had done, about three weeks ago?" With a little bit of irritation in his voice, " No, the ones that were done yesterday."

When I had been told that he was going to have the first set of x-rays three weeks previously, I had been a little concerned. I can't explain why, because I do know that if pneumonia is suspected, an x-ray quite often will be done. However, I had never been given an update and assumed everything was okay. Pneumonia had been the diagnosis, of those first tests and an antibiotic was prescribed. Our son was telling me in this conversation, that the coughing had not cleared up so his GP had sent him for another set of x-rays.

He continued, "They found a mass in my chest! They're not sure if it is an abscess or an infection. He,(the doctor), doesn't think it's a tumor." His voice told me that he was starting to get edgy. And my World was closing in around me, but I did my best to listen and not scream. "The doctor called me at work! Why is he moving so quickly, if he doesn't think it's a tumor? He's trying to get me booked for a CAT scan next week!" His voice was becoming agitated.

I could hear the need of a child, the call for a parent's comfort, but also realized that I had to be strong for his sake, "Well, I guess, that they want to find out what it is. You realize that if it is a tumor, Sweetie, the odds against it being cancerous, are very good. Somewhere around 95 percent of all tumors are benign." I was not doing a very good job of giving comfort, he was upset, that was apparent in his tone and his words, "Yes, Mom, I know that, but it's not very pleasant to know that they may need to operate and take it out. I don't like needles and I don't want to be cut open!"

He was right about that. As a child, just knowing he was going for an annual checkup would send him into a tizzy. "Do you want me to come down there to be with you?"

The child within left, for a few moments, "No, Dad needs you there. I'll be okay." My husband had lost his father four months prior to this phone call and of course, was still trying to deal with the sorrow of his loss. They had become quite close the last few years as my husband had been his Dad's prime care giver.

It sounded like our child needed me more than my hubby, however I replied, "If you are sure. You know I'll come in a flash. If you change your mind you let me know right away."

Not with very much enthusiasm, "No, Mom I'll be okay.", It didn't really sound like it to his Mother, "I love you. Our hearts and thoughts are with you. And again, if you want me there..." I waited hoping that he would ask me to come, "I'll be okay Mom, as soon as I know anything, I'll get back to you. I love you, too."

My last attempt at reassuring my injured adult, child, "You keep your chin up. Please, try not to worry before you know what is going on." Right! I was ready to jump through the phone, wrap my arms around him and protect my child from the Big Bad World. And I was expecting him not to be worried! "Okay Mom, I'm serious I'll be okay, Bye." With more conviction than I was feeling, "Bye,love you."

Hanging up the phone, I walked into the kitchen to use the phone with the programmed numbers, because I didn't think I'd be able to key-in the often called number. " Hello." came the cheery reply from the other end. Trying to hold back my concern, " Hi, I just heard from our son. He called to tell me the results of the chest x-rays." I could feel my throat tightening up, "They've found a mass in his chest. I..." I couldn't finish what I had started to say. I was losing it, sensing this my husband asked, "What do you want to do? Do you want to go down there...?"

Oh, how I loved him for that! There was nothing I wanted more, at that moment, but by then I was drowning in my fear, the tears that I had been holding back during the conversation with our son, had found a release, at last...

Here we go 19 years later and I still cry every time I read this…

That was the first chapter of the year to follow. Eventually will share the rest of  what became a small book, Come. Walk with Me… . my side of what happened over the next year.

Memory has always fascinated me. Think of it. You can recall at will your

first day in high school, your first date, your first love.

Eric Kandel

Coming and Going Allergies

Living with food allergies can be extremely difficult but should be approached

in a positive, proactive way.

Unknown

Jan 7 2017 - This week one of the news items has been about introducing babies to peanuts as it has been found that most of them will not develop an allergy to them like so many   between our children and grandchildren have. This allergy has gone to the point that schools and other places where children hang out have forbidden peanuts and peanut butter.

We have a grandson with an allergy to nuts now but it is not the first allergy this child has had.

  

When he was under a year old his mother noticed he had a reaction to cake mix and this is what developed then

 

Nov 2007    (revised in Jan 2017)  

I’ve been given a new challenge, an egg allergy, to learn about. 

It is our young grandson that has the allergy. We are concerned of course but especially because we often have him on his own.  Thus we need to understand this possible life threatening allergy.

The ingredients of packaged foods and recipes have been scanned for years for such things as fat and sugar in all their forms but eggs is a new one to me…

Didn’t realize that so many things can contain eggs and that they come under so many names… Found out that even Grandad’s favorite cookies are a no-no… best not to have them in the house as a temptation to the child let alone Grandad ;o)  That’s one of the harshest yet simplest ways I’ve found of controlling my hubby, The Junkie, and the food shopper for our household.

 

 It is a plus that the child is only eleven months old and not very mobile yet.  His food is controlled by adults, formula and homemade baby food.  It won’t be long though before he’s into people food and begging for whatever we are eating because he loves his food.  

Wonder what’s in the dog’s food because the child is very interested in the mutt and follows the fur ball round on all fours.  Soon we’ll likely find them head to head in the dog’s dish.

We have a bit of time to prepare ourselves, the panty, dog food  and Grandad’s junk food to make sure the child isn’t mistakenly given eggs in any form.  In the meantime there’s Dimetapp on hand and a free EpiPen Patient Starter Kit, on its way.

Now it’s off to scan the ingredients of the dog’s food.

(EpiPen has never been needed - touch wood)

The four pictures above his first birthday cake,  Halloween, he want to be a dog for 3 or 4 years, And he missed it buddy our dog so cuddled with the toy dog I got to put our dog’s collar, tags and neckerchief on after he went to wait at the Rainbow Bridge.

Albumin/Albumen	Ovolactohydrolyze proteins
Conalbumin	Ovomacroglobulin
Egg substitutes, e.g., Egg Beaters®	Ovomucin, ovomucoid
Globulin	Ovotransferrin
Livetin	Ovovitellin
Lysozyme	Silico-albuminate
Meringue	Simplesse® (a fat substitute)
Ovalbumin	Vitellin
Ovoglobulin

Possible sources of egg to look out for include the following:

• Alcoholic cocktails/drinks (such as sweet Marsala), eggnog, foam/milk topping on coffee
• Baby food
• Baked goods, baking mixes, confectionary (e.g. candy, chocolate)
• Battered/fried foods
• Creamy dressings, salad dressings, spreads (e.g. mayonnaise)
• Desserts (e.g. custard, dessert mixes, ice cream, pudding)
• Egg/fat substitutes
• Icing, glazes (e.g. egg wash on baked goods, nougat)
• Lecithin
• Meat mixtures (e.g. hamburger, hot dogs, meatballs, meatloaf, salami, etc.)
• Pancakes, waffles, French toast
• Pasta (e.g. egg noodles)
• Quiche, soufflé
• Soups, sauces (e.g. béarnaise, hollandaise, Newburg)

BACK TO Jan 2017

I made a first birthday cake for him and it was a challenge because the substitute egg used makes a very different consistency – the challenge came when it was iced as it was not as solid as cakes with eggs which help to bind the ingredients for one thing.

He outgrew the egg allergy although as far as I know he doesn’t like eggs now.

 About three years ago we were at his home and while his parents were busy he and his sister were playing with a dish of mixed nuts and not listening to their grandparents when we asked them to stop, possibly because it was Christmas Eve.   Within minutes his face started to swell and his eyes were itchy. Out came the Benedryl, (the latest medication to calm his allergic reactions), and he spent the rest of the evening in a very mellow state.

Once again he was tested for allergies and the nut allergy was found as well as an allergy to dogs.  Great now we had to watch for nuts and dogs.

Honey Nut Cheerios breakfasts are out and  peanut butter sandwiches for lunch.  Not sure peanuts which are a legume not a nut are part of his allergy  but rather than taking chances we stay clear of peanuts.  Forgot one morning and give him Honey Not Cheerios. Soon his eyes were itchy and his face a little puffy. A dose of Benedryl was needed and we pretty well lost him to drowsiness until it wore off.

 

And the dog well, we have a different dog to the one he followed around and eventually imitated. However, although she is part poodle he still reacts when he is here so we have special chairs that she has not been in for him to sit in and he has to splash water on his face when his eyes start to itch and/or go outside away from the dog. His father our son is also allergic to the dog - wasn’t when he lived at home but now he is. Both of them have a harder time in the winter when everything is closed up but we are always on the watch in case allergies flare up.

We got fooled into buying a Cockapoo because our son had developed his allergy by the time we were on the search for another dog. We soon found out that yes a curly haired dog is not as bad but it is the dander that causes the allergy not the hair – but curly hair more of less traps the dander in.

There is no such thing as a non-allergic dog just some that are not as bad and our dog does not shed her coat like most so that too makes a difference. 

This child also has asthma and so does his father. Didn't know his father was asthmatic until he was in his teens and went to a doctor as he needed a chest x-ray to work in a camp kitchen. When he was  a child and to this day if there was anything the affects the chest  around he is sure to get it. He also had croup well into his late childhood and his son too has suffered with it... Both seem to be in a pretty mild point of asthma and/or croup right now so here's hoping whatever is going on continues.

 In the meantime having food and dog allergies in the family prevents them from getting any type of furry pet. His sister who loves dogs more than he does now wants a pet so badly she is coming up with ways to have one.
 Lately she has focused on our dog. Her latest plan was only to take care of her when we go away - one day she told me I could drop my four legged pal off at their house when we go away and she will take care of her. Try to explain to an 8-year-old that won't work even if the dog is kept in a room the guys don't go into. However that plan was mild compared to what she was going to do a few months ago.

 She has been concerned about what will happen to our dog when we die, (no concern about us dying though because we are old after all :o)

 Her plan was that she, her sister and their mother would move to our house and the guys with the allergies could stay in their house. I just went along with that plan with a smile on my face knowing there is a very slim chance of it ever coming to that as we plan to live to a good old ripe age and even if the dog does, she'll not be here when our bodies give up.  Mom squashed her daughter's plan so then the 'drop her off at our house' was next. 
None of us want to tell her that her pal likely will not need anyone to care for her down the road. Nor do we mention that you can buy horse meat.

                                                                             Becoming friends with each other

 “Animals are such agreeable friends―they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.”
                                                          George Eliot

  

Has it been Twenty Years Already?

"Memories are like a garden. Regularly tend the pleasant blossoms and remove the invasive weeds."

                                                                      Linda Fifer Ralphs

January 1 2017 
  

Twenty years ago today the Love of my life and I were separate by about 1,200 kilometers. It is the only New Year’s  we have been apart in the 55 years we have been a couple.  It was the loneliest I’ve ever been yet filled with nervous anxiety of what was to come at any moment and the reason I was on my own away from home, yet with family. 

I watched 1997 arrive in three Canadian time zones on a little TV  in a cool room with huge windows looking down on a deserted parking lot while snow gentle fell from above. People came and went from the room but by the time I had watched the third arrival of 1997 I was alone in a strange yet mystical stark place.

Twice I called my husband to update him but also to cry and share with him my loneliness and the second time to bring in 1997 in our time zone as well . He was with family so although he missed me he had family with him.

 Eventually I fell asleep on a bench type couch only to be woken to a doctor being paged – a distress page at that.  

Would the end result of why I was here have a tragic ending or a very happy one?  

 And now the rest of the story :D

Around the middle of 1996 we found out we were to become grandparents.  The baby was due in December a few days before Christmas.  Although the rest of 1996 is a blur there was much ado about having a baby in our lives once again.  I knitted, cross-stitched  and crocheted little things and afghans, one for baby and the other a bigger version of baby’s, for Mom. Got the family wicker bassinet out, cleaned up and made a new covering for it.  

1968 Father of Baby-to-be and 1996 the bassinet is ready for the next generation.

It was decided that we would spent Christmas with our son, wife and the baby. I went down early by train, to be there when the baby arrived.  The bassinet was packed full of gifts, all the baby stuff and whatever else was needed – it just made in under the size and weight to go on the baggage car.  The soon to be grandfather was following later to join us for Christmas and we would come home together afterward. 

That was the plan but not what happened.

 My train was late and as the mother-to- be had come with our son to pick me up  missed a good part of her baby shower.  When we arrived so did the bassinet and it stood in the middle of the room as if it was the focus of the shower while it was admired and took over the show. 
 

 The due date came and went and we marked time walking or window shopping I found a sweatshirt that I have been reluctant to give up but it brings back vivid memories of that time. We attended a Christmas concert at the school our daughter-in-law’s nephew attended and a dry run of an Ann Murray concert that would be filmed as part of a TV special to be on TV later.   (Our DIL worked for a hotel and was given tickets to the dry run). And I missed my four-legged baby Teddy my young blonde cocker spaniel who was home with the guys - the soon to be, grandfather and uncle.

 Granddad or so he should have been, arrived and the four adults celebrated Christmas with an empty Christmas stocking waiting for the little one to arrive.   Granddad in-waiting went home and we marked more time, walking and whatever. On the 31^st our daughter-in-law had a doctor’s appointment and woke with some pain. That was it there was no way they were going and leaving me here, I wanted to be as near as possible to the great event!  It was a wise move because the expectant parents never went back home.  I spent the day in and out of the room where the young couple were, found something to eat and once again the rest of the day is a blur until they were off to the delivery room and I to the waiting room down the hall.  Every once in a while our son came to see how I was and to ask if I wanted to go back to the apartment,-no way was I doing that it would have been lonelier than I was down the hall from the action or lack of it, it seemed.  

In the meantime family of other mothers-to-be came and went. Just after midnight a new grandmother came in to use the phone to announce her good news, she was the grandmother of the first born baby in that hospital. With that the loneliness was now sadness too and had me on the edge of tears. I wanted so badly to share happy news yet our baby was taking its sweet time to come into the world. Two more babies were born and tears of anxiety did flow then all was quiet, it was as if I was alone in the world.

Now where I left off – not long after the doctor was paged somewhere around 4 AM our son came to tell me he had a son – I stopped holding my breath, followed him down the hall, was lead to a rocking chair and a little cocoon of love was put into my arms – life has not been the same since.

Not sure how many days later Granddad came back we had some time with the family then we headed home to my new for rocking grand-babies chair -  a Christmas gift from Granddad.

For years after that our vehicles knew no other direction to head in but little did we know what the next two years was to bring.

Today our eldest grandchild celebrates his 20^th birthday not sure but maybe with the Love of his life.

When the baby was five moths old he and his mother came to spend some time with us and the rest of our family got to meet him. They were here for Mother's Day one of the best I've had

The announcement we had put in our paper meeting his uncle and the first woman of interest in his life, his one day to be aunt :D  Teddy thought he had a new playmate and would bring his tennis ball to him to play (on tray of Jolly Jumper) The two of them traveled together in the back seat of our van when we brought our grandson home for a visit.

 In 1967 Canada celebrated the Centennial of Confederation and we were expecting our eldest, his father. Now in Canada’s 150 anniversary of Confederation, it sesquicentennial year,  there are two more generations in our family so much to celebrate - proof that  life goes around and around in a circle. 

"Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them."

Bob Dylan